Happy Valentines Day!!

Happy Valentines day Everyone!
I got flowers this year, flowers and chocolate. But not the Flowers andChocolate of Valentines day. Flowers and Chocolate ofcomfort, and of love.
'Just a reminder that in this hard time I still love you' The Card read. And it is, it is a hard time. No matter how much I can be ok, I am still not ok. I lost something, WE lost something and the pain is stil fresh, ut I must say I am better at recovering than I originally thought.
When my cousin dies, I cried and surrounded myself by things that I love, things to keep me busy. And sonner than expected I could look back on his loss, on him without being too sad, without crying. And in some ways I have done the same thing this time. I quite my job. I have surrounded myself by the people I love, and things to keep my time occupied and slowly and surely I am recovering. Soon I will be able to think on it without tears.
Yesterday while on our way to the library Alice piped up from the back seat: "Mommy has a baby in her belly? Right Mom? We get a baby soon." It was the first time she had talked about since about a week before it happened. And I of course started crying. Dan tried to explain to her that the baby died and someday we will get to see the baby again. I probably would ot have explained this to her, but whats done is done. Alice thought for a moment, got me to look at her with many 'Mommy look at me, please's and promptly told her that the baby in her tummy died to jut like mommys. I know she doesn't get it how could she. But her attempt at comfort, her attempt at wanting to be like mommy was precious.
Its amazing how quickly your body bounces back to what is normal. There is no more nausea. There is no more fatigue. No more slightly flabby baby belly. No more soreness. Its just all gone, just like the baby.
I enrolled in school yesterday and am going to get my associates in web design. It is an at home course (all I can really do with an alice.) But I am excited, its something I have wanted to learn more about.
We alos planned a trip to disney land. We were going to go before I got preganat so I guess in some ways we are just picking up where we left off. But looking toward the future at the same time. Looking forward to finally welcoming that little child that we both feel is waiting. March 20th. On March 20th we will try again. And it is then that we will know if we have truly healed or not.